The history and mission of Samp Mortar High Acres Foundation (SMHAF) has been told many times. Each year at the group's annual gathering, the Secretary of the organization is tasked with sharing the history of the great Foundation. It begins with a recounting of the many classes of Foundation members, although it is unclear whether there is really a structure below Class D members or if the current Secretary simply makes it up as she goes along. Following the discussion of the membership organization, the Secretary typically reminds those gathered of the purpose of the meeting and the mission of the organization. Rather amazingly, at exactly the moment she begins to read the Foundation's charter, the Secretary is annually called into the kitchen to pull a ham out of the oven, stir baked beans, or refresh her much celebrated "frog dip". As a result, despite many years of annual attendance, all members below Class D have been left to ponder one of life's great mysteries: "what is the mission of SMHAF".

Many younger members have attempted to answer this question. Some have posited that it is simply a way for Class A, B, and C members to remind lower class members that they have absolutely no real life skills (Class E members, aka "The Banking Class", seem to feel most strongly that this is the Foundation's real reason for being). Others, upon seeing a large wood pile at the end of the annual gathering, have suggested that the Foundation's main purpose is to ensure that the weekend's hosts can once again avoid reverting to oil heat. Perhaps the most widely accepted theory is that the Foundation's founders worried greatly that the liver, just like the heart, mind, and soul, needs to exercised regularly in order to ensure longevity.

The older members, who have risen from the ranks of Day Laborers and now possess the deepest institutional memory, are clear that SMHAF exists for two simple reasons: first, it has and will continue to bring family and friends together to celebrate their common heritage and values and second, it serves as a fantastic forum to question Jerry's fashion choices.